I have had a rough week. I've complained to anyone who would listen that my week has been crap. I've been overtired and borderline migraine-riddled all week, I've had a ridiculous amount of work to do with little time as I was on my feet teaching bell to bell each day for the second week in a row (this isn't to say that I don't regularly teach my students - but sometimes some self guided work/group work/quiet time is nice to regroup, enter grades, answer emails, etc....), I managed to get my feelings hurt more than once, my life at work turned into a drama of epic proportions, I didn't make my workout goals for the week thanks to some afternoon detours, and my oldest child has tried me over and over again.
I have blamed my terrible week on a single black cat which literally crossed my path one night over a week ago. But, I know that in reality, it has just been a run of the mill week of trials and tribulations in the life of a working mother. And it all began the night before Valentine's day....
A trip to return a movie and pick up some candy at Walgreens turned ill fated. Nealy was in her bed with Joe fighting sleep, and Jacks joined me for what was supposed to be a quick and easy errand. We were both in pajamas, so we threw on some hoodies and boots and headed out. Jacks picked out a new movie from the RedBox kiosk, and we went into the store to pick up some SweetHearts candies for my math classes to use the next day.
Let me preface this by saying that the entire ride consisted of me explaining to Jacks that he could not have any candy, he did not need to ask for or beg for any candy, he would be coming home with a bagful of Valentine's the next day with plenty of candy, so he could just give it up. He met each statement with a very respectful, "Yes ma'am."
As soon as we entered the store, he simply could not help it. The begging began. What could he have? What was for him? Why would we go there without getting him a treat? Mommy get me this, mommy get me that, mommy I want, I want, I want. I quietly responded with no, no, no. I reminded him of his impending Valentine's treats. I reminded him of our car conversation. My calm did not waiver. When his requests turned to whines, my calm began to slip.
I bent over, grabbed his face, and said through clenched teeth, "Stop it right now. I. Am. Not. Kidding. With. You." That's when he began simply picking things up, shoving them at me, pinching my arm, and bending my fingers. I think it is the understatement of the year to say that I snapped. I put down the SweetHearts I intended to buy on the closest available surface, I grabbed him by the arm, and I began to storm out of the store while dragging him with me. He immediately fell to the floor like a sack of bricks. So I hoisted him up by his collar and threw him outside into the cold into the van.
Needless to say, as my grandfather might say, he got told what for. I took away TV for the week, and I told him that his Valentine candy would be placed under quarantine. He was sent to bed immediately when we got home, and I cringed as I heard him sobbing into his pillow. I did go in his room to read him a book, give him some hugs and kisses, and attempt to comfort him. But I did not take it back. I did not apologize.
It was agonizingly difficult.
This single event set forth the week of difficulties that brought about a somber mood around my house that has still not lifted.
And yet.....isn't it funny how a series of unfortunate events can so severely outshine the blessings in your life? Let me count ours from this week:
I have blamed my terrible week on a single black cat which literally crossed my path one night over a week ago. But, I know that in reality, it has just been a run of the mill week of trials and tribulations in the life of a working mother. And it all began the night before Valentine's day....
A trip to return a movie and pick up some candy at Walgreens turned ill fated. Nealy was in her bed with Joe fighting sleep, and Jacks joined me for what was supposed to be a quick and easy errand. We were both in pajamas, so we threw on some hoodies and boots and headed out. Jacks picked out a new movie from the RedBox kiosk, and we went into the store to pick up some SweetHearts candies for my math classes to use the next day.
Let me preface this by saying that the entire ride consisted of me explaining to Jacks that he could not have any candy, he did not need to ask for or beg for any candy, he would be coming home with a bagful of Valentine's the next day with plenty of candy, so he could just give it up. He met each statement with a very respectful, "Yes ma'am."
As soon as we entered the store, he simply could not help it. The begging began. What could he have? What was for him? Why would we go there without getting him a treat? Mommy get me this, mommy get me that, mommy I want, I want, I want. I quietly responded with no, no, no. I reminded him of his impending Valentine's treats. I reminded him of our car conversation. My calm did not waiver. When his requests turned to whines, my calm began to slip.
I bent over, grabbed his face, and said through clenched teeth, "Stop it right now. I. Am. Not. Kidding. With. You." That's when he began simply picking things up, shoving them at me, pinching my arm, and bending my fingers. I think it is the understatement of the year to say that I snapped. I put down the SweetHearts I intended to buy on the closest available surface, I grabbed him by the arm, and I began to storm out of the store while dragging him with me. He immediately fell to the floor like a sack of bricks. So I hoisted him up by his collar and threw him outside into the cold into the van.
Needless to say, as my grandfather might say, he got told what for. I took away TV for the week, and I told him that his Valentine candy would be placed under quarantine. He was sent to bed immediately when we got home, and I cringed as I heard him sobbing into his pillow. I did go in his room to read him a book, give him some hugs and kisses, and attempt to comfort him. But I did not take it back. I did not apologize.
It was agonizingly difficult.
This single event set forth the week of difficulties that brought about a somber mood around my house that has still not lifted.
And yet.....isn't it funny how a series of unfortunate events can so severely outshine the blessings in your life? Let me count ours from this week:
- My children and amazing husband gifted me with more handmade gifts than I can count on Valentine's morning.
- Many of my students delivered handwritten Valentines to me, and one wonderful student brought her grandmother to school to visit me. This amazing woman brought me a kind gift of Valentine's chocolates and a handwritten poem written just to me. This single act of kindness should have been enough to keep me sailing through Friday.
- The no TV rule in our house granted us better family dinners, more time to visit with one another, and lots of requests for us to play with the kids.
- After Valentine's night, both kids forgot about all the candy that I took away from them and hid on top of the refrigerator.
- Our most favorite neighbor brought us a gorgeous handmade gift bag of candies and lollipops for the kids - also hidden on top of the refrigerator.
- We live in a comfortable family home with a host of treats on top of the refrigerator.
- The temperature stayed in the 60s all week long with enough sunshine to pull anyone out of the doldrums.
- So many of my dear friends sent well wishes to me via Facebook when I declared myself to be having a terrible day.
- We have health. We have family. We want for nothing.
- Even though we can't rightfully afford it, I'm currently figuring out what we can sacrifice so we can take a cruise for Spring Break. After the week I've had, I feel desperate for something to look forward to.
Despite this freakishly awesome list of blessings, why can't the difficulties of the past week roll off my back? Why can't I let the good things in my life wash away the bad? Why is it so hard to will yourself to remember to be happy? To be grateful for what you have? To remember that life could be profoundly more difficult?
I will continue to try to remember.
In the meantime, I will still be planning that cruise....
I will continue to try to remember.
In the meantime, I will still be planning that cruise....
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