Checking In

It has come to my attention - from my friend Brandy - that I haven't been blogging much lately. Well, I don't really have all that much to say lately that doesn't involve fussing about being pregnant, which most people don't want to hear (in which case, you might want to stop reading now). This has been a rough time, I do have to admit. I am still getting sick, which is starting to reach a ridiculous level at 23 weeks and counting. Everyone around me manages to say the wrong thing ALL the time, and every single piece of advice people offer me just seems to incense me even more. So, here are some things NOT to say to any or all pregnant women:
1. Wow - you don't even LOOK pregnant!
So, basically you're telling me that I look morbidly obese, because the 28 pounds I've gained so far are certainly settling somewhere. And the fact that I've been wearing maternity pants since about week 6 makes me feel pretty freakin' pregnant. So, just stop. I'd rather look pregnant with quintuplets than this freakishly fat.
2. Have you tried eating crackers before you get out of bed?
Yes. I have tried every remedy in the book, and I have finally resorted to anti-nausea medication. If eating crackers before I got out of bed everyday would keep me from violently retching on a regular basis, I would do it. I'm not completely stupid. (the only thing I haven't tried is eating that white dirt stuff, and that's only because I don't know where to get it.)
3. What is wrong with your face?
Well, when you routinely get sick the way that I do, plus you have very fair skin, which I do, you are prone to bust the capillaries on your face due to the tremendous amount of strain that vomiting can cause. No, it is not abnormal. No, there isn't anything wrong with me. Yes, you can feel free to wipe that look of disgust off your face at any moment. I am not an animal.
4. What is wrong with your eyes?
Well, I am also prone to bust the blood vessels in my eyes. Lots of people get them. You have most likely seen someone with broken blood vessels in their eyes before, so don't act like it's a goiter shooting out of my neck, or something. Sometimes it can be due to stress or head trauma, or in my case, well....you know. I hate to continue to refer to my constant vomiting. It isn't lady like, and to talk about it with anyone and everyone is frankly humiliating and demeaning. Once again, wipe that look of pure disgust off your face. How wonderful for you to never have anything gross or abnormal EVER happen to you. Hoo-freakin-ray! I'm sure your poop smells like roses!
5. How far along are you? Why are you STILL getting sick?
Hmmmmmm - I don't EFFING KNOW!!!!! If I did, I would certainly do something about it, because I'm not a fun loving bulimic who enjoys the re-emergence of ingested goods.
6. Awwww - you poor thing. I feel so sorry for you!
Well, then, please spare your pity because it makes me feel like a sickly idiot. Do you feel sorry for me? Then, by all means, do something that might help me out. Come clean my house, bend over and pick up that thing on the floor, pitch in with your friends and buy me a massage. But stop treating me like I'm some kind of social pariah worthy of your pity.
At this point in time, I feel that I should point out that I am, indeed, growing a human being inside of me. A whole person who could go on to do wonderful things in this world. I am proud of the fact that I have the gift of reproduction, and based on the fabulous little person I'm raising right now, I feel like this one should come out pretty good, too! I might be having a miserable time right now, but I'm really doing a pretty great thing. Don't treat me like I'm some kind of a freak, because let's be honest, what do you have going on that's better than the gift of life? (this reminds me of Max Fisher's infamous line, "I saved Latin, what did you ever do?" Go watch Rushmore, now. And don't tell me later that you don't like that movie. It makes me judge you.)
Okay, can you tell I might have needed to get on my soap box a little bit? I feel absolutely terrible, but it really is for a good cause. And my activities have been hindered by this entire process, because in the last week it appears I may have pulled a muscle somewhere. So, in addition to feeling as bad as I do, I have had to cancel other obligations that I would really like to be doing right now. So, no, this pregnancy is not great. I don't really want to hear about how great YOUR pregnancy was, or how LITTLE weight you gained, or how you NEVER got sick, or even how you ALWAYS got sick. Your stories don't help me! They don't make me feel better or worse, they just make me like you a little less.
Happy Holidays, everyone! My next post will certainly be much more merry! Maybe.....